In the last chapter of Girls Gone Mild, I explore the problem of female social aggression. Unmentioned is a quote I only recently came across, from an interesting book, What You Wear Can Change Your Life. Apparently, opportunities for backstabbing abound, even in the most unlikely, fashionable places. You see, a bracelet can be a “great present,” write BBC fashion experts Trinny and Susannah, especially for “someone you loathe, but are obliged to give to, like a hateful sister-in-law.”
How so? After going into great detail about how delicate bracelets are simply “lost” on women with larger bone structures, while conversely, a heavier bracelet can make someone with smaller bone structure “look chubby,” our fashion mavens simply instruct us to “just buy... the wrong shape” for the women you hate: “She will be delighted. The subtlety of its inappropriateness will be lost on her.”
It’s funny, but there’s also a real undercurrent of menace here. Why put so much energy into the destruction of someone else? If you’re going to the trouble of getting someone a present anyway, why not simply get them something nice?
I completely agree. Female backstabbing has gotten out of hand and we are our own worst enemies sometimes. Women need to realize that we are stronger when we can support each other.
Posted by: A.L. | July 02, 2007 at 06:52 AM
Hi Wendy!
Just heard you on NPR Diane Reame show, and you were wonderful--this is to support you and let you know what you already know-that you understand that there are mnany young women who need and want to hear your message. I have taught at an all-girls school for the last 29 years, and, with your permission, I would like to link your sites to my school website, which parents also see. I also have been relating the same message on modesty and saving all sexual activity for marriage-with many positive responses. We have a girl who has just begun pure fashion at our school as well, and I will support her. Please keep this good thing going, and Shalom!
Tim Wallace
Marian HS
Bloomfield Hills MI
Posted by: Tim Wallace | July 02, 2007 at 12:43 PM
I LOVE both your books. I admire the research effort you have put into them and how reasonable and non-judemental you have managed to be while handling such a hot topic.
I'm a 40 something who has always worn, by my own preference, modest clothing.
I always "knew" there was something very off in our society today. I felt from my own teen years in the 70's and 80's that society was saying things which I found demeaning and very anti-woman--usually while insisting that they were pro-women. I resented those demeaning, so-called feminist messages. Your books collect the evidence for what I already felt so strongly to be true--thank you!
I find your books very empowering of my choices as a modest woman of the 21st C. Thank you!
Posted by: K. Ann Koch | July 03, 2007 at 02:41 PM
Trinny and Susannah!I was recently watching their new series Trinny and Susannah Undress, where they demeaned and insulted some poor couple whose relationship had been going through difficulties. Since when did two appearence obsessed bullies who seem to feast their egos and careers off of the "pitiable ungroomed" of society have any authority over peoples relationships and sex lives. You really have to see this programme to believe it. At one point they stand in front of a silouetted screen as the troubled couple stand on the other side completely naked each with cameras to film various parts of the others body and talk about why they like them. Trinny and Susannah stand "assesing" the situation coldly with an air of superiority as if they are looking at strange fungi while commenting on their postures. It's utterly bizzare and really disgusting. Some parts of their previous shows annoyed me, like the way the liked to prod anyone with body fat or grab their breasts but this is cruel and very nilistic. At the end of the show they booked the couple into a honeymoon suite to refresh their lovelife and filled the room with sex toys -- edible knickers, furry handcuffs etc this is all done with absolutely no discretion. The whole show a they both taunted the woman for being frumpy and brazenly flirted with the man so was really more to advertise their own "sexiness" and desirabilty rather than help anyone it seemed. Quite wrong that anyone listens to them. superficiality has its place but this is pathetic
Posted by: Priya | July 03, 2007 at 06:14 PM
Also, I think this is a very widespread problem. I was amazed at how the music stations presented Avril Lavine's new hit "Girlfriend" - at every moment it was hailed as "your new favourite song". There was only praise for it, no criticism whatsoever. Then everyone wonders why bully videos are becoming a problem in high school and shown worldwide on Youtube. "Values" and "Virtue" seem to be the new dirty words.
Look at how weak and dopey the male portrayed in Lavine's video is, we are not only destroying femininity but any hope for a man to be a true "Knight in Shining Armour" to have any sense of true strength and power. Everyone loses.
Posted by: Priya | July 03, 2007 at 07:53 PM
Priya,
I did not know this about Trinny and Susannah's series, but I think you're right that it is very telling. Acting cruelly and advocating immodesty do often seem to go together.
Posted by: wendy | July 04, 2007 at 03:25 PM
I found it very sad that this couple had let such inane people have such power over their relationship.
I recently re-read the classic fairy tale "Beauty and The Beast" where ugliness came from vanity and superficiality and beauty came from dedication and selflessness, it's a beautiful story for young children but the lessons seem to have been completely pushed aside.
I actually just watched the new Shrek movie today which has it's moments and is clever in parts but it has also replaced purity of heart and kindness with cynicism and bitchiness. They have characters such as snow-white as a sarky, stuck up prima donna, and cinderella as demented. On one level its harmless and funny but on another it leaves a big , sarcastic empty void.
One of my favourite stories when I was younger was "The Railway Children" I can hardly imagine that sort of story being popular now with the big film studios yet every young child needs positivity and strength in the people around them if we are to expect anything. Modern society only deals with the consequences so we have abortion helplines, and social workers but no real role models.
Trinny and Susannah are the symptom of a world with no place for "the inner". The fact that they now have power over the most intimate parts of peoples lives is just very depressing.
Posted by: Priya | July 05, 2007 at 01:30 AM
Trinny and Susannah Undress #2
I just watched the second in the series which was no better. In this episode they "treated" a couple where the wife had had breast cancer and a mastectomy so understandably had been dealings with feelings of grieving and mortality. She had never let her husband see the scar in 18 months, so good ol' Trinny and Suzy let them show the whole world effectively by jeering her on to take off her bra behind the very unforgiving silhouetted screen that was sprung on the couple.
They also hosted a dinner party for the couples nearest and dearest so they could ALL have a good old chat about their sex life. At one point the brother just couldn't take it any more and left. At one point Trinny eloquently referred to their relationship as "your skeleton of a marriage"
This is only two little incidents in a blood fest of a show. You would really have to see it to believe it. The saddest thing to me is the fact that the couple seem to lap it up from these cold hearted Nazis. They really P#@% me off !
Posted by: Priya | July 07, 2007 at 12:54 AM
Our pop culture celebrates unkindness and one of the easiest ways for women or girls to be unkind to each other is to mock appearances. It is the opposite of Judeo-Christian ethics, which stress being kind to others and valuing inner qualities over surface ones :-(
Posted by: Crimson Wife | July 10, 2007 at 09:22 PM
"Modern society only deals with the consequences so we have abortion helplines, and social workers but no real role models." -- Priya
"No real role models"?
What about (gasp, with trembling lips) PARIS! HILTON! (TM)?
Posted by: Ken | July 17, 2007 at 12:37 PM
Ken - you have to excuse me. I didn't think of Paris Hilton. Please forgive my oversight...
Posted by: Priya | July 18, 2007 at 04:50 PM
Hi - have just come across this site by accident - I love it.
Re - Trinny and Suzannah and also all of these shows where women are so desperate to be shown how to be stylish and sexy that they apply in their thousands to be on the show ..... I think these sorts of shows merely confirm how hard it is for women, how much pressure there is on them to conform to some kind of high standard set by the male-dominated world and the fashion industry.
Why can't they just leave women alone with the fascshionism and take the pressure off - let them wear simple things like men do. And yes, I know it's a free world and women can wear what they like, but the pressure is always there for them to be not only stylish, but increasingly "hot" ie, eye-candy and up to the standard deemed for a man to be able to have sex with her.!
If the pressure was not there, why would so many women apply and why is 95% of cosmetic surgery demanded by women?
Posted by: Amber | August 04, 2007 at 04:41 AM