Experts agree that social aggression, particularly among girls, is on the rise, but adults frequently throw up their hands rather than do anything about it. One of the shocking things I encountered while researching Girls Gone Mild was how frequently theorists would defend girls' social aggression as a way for them to exert their "independence."
With that in mind, it's nice to read this story about a school district in Kentucky that is actually doing something about the problem. Bullying--online or otherwise--is not OK, and in some cases it actually costs lives. (A new term, "bullycide," has emerged.)
I'd like to see more school districts following the Kentucky district's lead. Does your daughter or son's school have a policy about bullying? What about cyberbullying?
timely with the Paris Hilton settlement!
Posted by: clara | August 23, 2007 at 11:14 PM
Despite what anyone wants to admit the fact is that bullying is very fashionable and widely encouraged in many forms...
Posted by: Priya | August 24, 2007 at 09:37 PM
Typically, adults do just throw up their hands - a sort of apathy to this problem. Recently, I witnessed a situation of direct face-face bullying toward my 13 yr. old daughter and decided to confront the bully, since she is a neighbor, and also shared the circumstances with her mother, who happens to be a friend of mine. I'm tired of turning the other way. There needs to be some accountability for such hurtful actions!!!
Posted by: Sharon | August 27, 2007 at 10:30 PM
A girl from the high school I went to committed suicide due to constant bullying. There is disturbing encouragement of girls and women to be mean because that makes you a "strong woman--" and this bizarre doctrine is costing lives! It's not even PROFESSIONAL for women to be mean and "bitchy," so it would hinder our careers... how does not doing well in your career make you a strong woman!?
Anyway, I really wished I could have told this girl that high school doesn't last forever, because four years isn't a very long time but when you're a teenager it's an eternity. My mom said of the bullies, "I hope they think long and hard about the ramifications of what they did." Unfortunately, I doubt they are.
Posted by: Elizabeth Caudy | August 28, 2007 at 05:25 PM
There was a program on maybe two years back (I think they showed it on CBC Newsworld) discussing bullying among elementary school girls (I think they were about 8 or so?).
When you watch the parents of the bullies, you can see where the kids' horrible actions came from and why they continued to bully, despite the harm they were doing to kids who used to be their friends.
Namely, these parents minimized and rationalized EVERYTHING their kids were doing. Most important, these parents took absolutely no responsibility for their roles in making their kids bullies.
When they FINALLY began to acknowledge how inappropriate their girl's behaviours were, these parents focused on only the kids and not on their own roles. Also, any intervention they finally did was all based on rewards/punishment, as opposed to trying to get their daughters to EMPATHIZE with their victims and to make them see how horrible their behaviours were.
Such parents tend to raise kids who never learn to internalize "right from wrong." Instead, they learn to act badly without getting caught. When they DO get caught, they blame everyone else and everything for their behaviours and minimize the impact of their actions.
Posted by: Oren Amitay | August 29, 2007 at 05:46 PM
Sharon, how did the mother react to you? Would you mind sharing the outcome?
Posted by: Oren Amitay | August 29, 2007 at 05:48 PM
Oren, do you mean "It's a Girls' World"?
I had the same reaction as you when I saw that program. (For details, look at the last chapter of Girls Gone Mild!)
Sharon, that's great that you are speaking out. I wish more mothers would react like you with respect to this issue.
Posted by: Wendy Shalit | August 30, 2007 at 09:26 AM
Hmmm...I'll have to check on that, Wendy. It may very well be; I'll check your book next week when I'm back at my office to see that last chapter. I'm being interviewed on Newsworld this Saturday morning, so I can ask them then.
Posted by: Oren Amitay | August 30, 2007 at 06:24 PM
I have five children in a KY school district and am very pleased when it comes to our children's no bully policy. The schools are strict which makes it a safe place for students and faculty. Thanks for the book. Looking forward to reading it.
Posted by: Paula Harrington | August 30, 2007 at 10:54 PM
Such parents tend to raise kids who never learn to internalize "right from wrong." Instead, they learn to act badly without getting caught. When they DO get caught, they blame everyone else and everything for their behaviours and minimize the impact of their actions.
i.e. "Like parent, like kid." And so it continues for another generation...
Posted by: Ken | August 31, 2007 at 01:22 PM
Exactly, Ken. And yet, somehow people like Judith Harris continue to proclaim that parents have no impact on their kids other than through their genes and choice of neighbourhood (since she believes peers exert the greatest influence).
I write more about her at my own site, www.docamitay.com.
Posted by: Oren Amitay`` | August 31, 2007 at 10:20 PM
I actually was a victim of female bullying about ten years ago when I was 13-14. A popular girl had formed a vendetta against me after some boys in my class had been paying attention to me; now I'm very shy and introverted so I didn't do anything purposely to attract the attention, it made me very uncomfortable.
The abuse became physical and it ended after she threw something heavy at me which came close to stabbing me in the eye. Even then, the principal (a female too) just gave her a slap on the wrist, a days detention, that was it. Had it had been a male he would have been suspended at the least.
Even my own mother didn't think a girl picking on a girl was a big deal, it was apparently "natural" for girls to be catty, and since they're female they can't inflict enough harm (?!)
Posted by: ChristineMarie | September 01, 2007 at 01:49 AM
I think that so many people throw up theirs hands because they don't know what to do. My daughter was the victim of relational aggression in her school and she became clinically depressed. I found a website called Stop RA Today and the info has been such a help to us! The school my daughter attends is now aware that relational aggression is a form of bullying. They do have an anti-bullying policy but it was strictly followed, and a lot of kids were being bullied. I gave them the informtation from http://www.stopratoday.com and they are implementing it. There is already a difference. It helps that I and some other mothers of bullied kids volunteer in the school. We can keep our eye on what goes on, and we have our kids keep a log of bullying incidents.
For anyone who needs help on what to do about relational aggression, I highly recommend www.stopratoday.com
Sarah
Posted by: Sarah | September 20, 2007 at 08:40 AM